Saturday, September 7, 2013

Kitchen Renovation, Step #2

Step 2: Begin Demolition

Miss Step 1?


Note: This step is best done 36 hours after you've returned from vacation via a red-eye flight and are suffering from severe jet lag and lack of sleep.

a) Around 10 am on a holiday, while still wearing your pjs, loudly declare that it's too hot to work outside and that you're too tired to do any "real work" on the kitchen.

b) At 11:30 am ask your husband how destructive you're allowed to be that day. When he replies that he doesn't care "as long as he can start cooking dinner at 5:30 pm" run upstairs and change into your work clothes. Shoes optional.

c) Use a small crowbar, hammer, screwdriver, needle-nose pliers, and basically any other random tools you can find in the basement (remember - you're avoiding going outside) to begin pulling paneling and trim off the walls. Be sure to de-nail the paneling so you don't stab yourself while carrying pieces. When nails and splinters starts to accumulate on the floor, decide that shoes are actually not optional.
NOTE: If you happen to find a large hole with exposed electrical wires poking out of it when you remove the paneling, break off a smaller piece of paneling and nail it back over the hole for your dad to deal with later.
NOTE x2: When you find yourself stuck behind a giant piece of paneling that has sandwiched you between it and the sink, DO NOT ASK FOR HELP. I repeat - DO NOT ASK FOR HELP. Instead, swear, grunt, and shove at it until it moves and consider your teapot, trashcans, and tools that end up on the floor as you scrape the paneling over the countertops collateral damage for your victory.

d) Remove as much paneling as you can reasonably reach without tearing out cabinets. Tear out cabinets if necessary. In order to make sure your husband feels like he's part of the project, ask him nicely to carry discarded cabinets to the curb for you.

e) At 5:25 pm start sweeping up debris and throwing your tools back in the basement.

f) At 5:40 turn the kitchen back over to your husband looking like this:

Please note the smokey outline of what was likely decorative plates near the ceiling. Yummy.

g) Optional step: Fall asleep on the living room floor while your husband makes dinner.


  1. Very impressive! I can't wait to see the finished results. No matter what you do, it'll be an improvement. Maybe tile the upper wall and add stainless steel shelves?

  2. Found you via YHL - this is a very funny post and you are a great writer! Great progrss for one day!!!!

  3. Cathy - that's almost exactly the vision! The sink is moving to under that window and then I'm planning on tiling the wall and putting floating shelves on either side!

    Lisa - THANK YOU. That's probably the best comment that I've received since starting this blog. :)